The Stuck-up Hobo

This may be a recurring installment – some brief sketches brought to you by ABC, yah you know, me. HOMELESS GUY: Spare some change? GUY: Sure, man – here’s a twenty. HOMELESS MAN:  What do I look like, a charity? GUY: I’m sorry.  I thought $20 was a generous donation. HOMELESS MAN:  Oh, so now…

Black Friday Death Count?

So, last week we had Black Friday which is a little racist if you ask me.  For those living under a rock, “Black Friday” is the term giving to the Friday following American Thanksgiving.  It is essentially the beginning of the bedlam that is Christmas shopping.  Basically it’s a day whereby the nastiest side of…

World’s Strongest Vagina

A Russian woman, by the name of Tatyana Kozhevnikova, holds the title for World’s Strongest Vagina in the “Vagina Weightlifting” category – which is not to be mistaken for how many vaginas you can lift. She does this by inserting a wooden egg into her wazoo and attaches a weight to the egg.  And then…

Rob Ford Has Enough Homegrown P***y.

I mean, what is going on with this Mayor??? It’s hard for me to decipher whether he sees himself as a celebrity or is he really spiraling into career suicide? His impromptu conference sessions just dig his proverbial hole even further. He’s almost like a bloated Canadian Tom Cruise in terms of where the fuck…

Sleep is a Privilege Not a Rite.

My sleep has always been erratic.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreaded the nighttime and longed for it in equal measure. I hate the effort that goes into falling asleep.  At university, I used films to drift off.  Or alcohol.  Today I pretty much do the same thing.  I’ve tried Imovane (aka…

Baa-ger Off.

I hate goat cheese. I hate goat cheese so much that if goat cheese and I were stuck on a deserted island and one of us had to eat the other to survive, not only would I refuse to eat him, but I would hate him so much that I wouldn’t even let him eat…